Hi, I’m Nick.
I’m introducing myself because you may have forgotten about me. Or, you haven’t ever heard from me because you purchased Define My Day and I haven’t sent many emails recently.
This is my apology for stepping away and also the explanation I think you deserve.
Life happened to me.
In fact, life was happening to me the whole time. I was growing, changing, becoming more aware, and, I believe, becoming a better person.
I was also processing a lot. A cancer diagnosis, a bad relationship, and a growing awareness of my own traumas and unresolved issues, all while dealing with COVID, being a parent, and running a business.
I had to step back and heal.
First of all, I want to be clear, my health is fine. In fact, it was never as bad as I was led to believe. I have been told to consider myself cured. I’m thankful for that.
However, the process of being faced with my own mortality, or even just aging in general, is a wake up call. And, even as I’ve been the “focus on what matters” guy, I gained a new perspective. One that came into clear focus when I asked, “what if this is the last time…?
… I swim with my kids.
… I see them open Christmas gifts.
… we watch a football game together.
and so many more.
I was questioning everything. Where I put my time, my attention, and my love.
I always thought that we could fix it. I always said that my goal was to stay together because our best life, and my vision of it, is us together. I also knew that I wanted to be a daily part of my kids’ lives.
The moment I realized that my ability to be a father was suffering – that they were developing an idea of what relationships are by what they see more than what I say – I knew we were failing them.
Years of couples counseling wasn’t working. We were two people that could not get on the same page. And while I won’t speak to her side of it, I can tell you that I have a lot of work to do so that my next relationship is full of love and understanding.
My work starts here. I have always been the person that sought external validation. Someone to tell me I was worth it, or money, or things. I needed physical proof that I had value.
That all started to change a few years ago as I became aware of certain aspects of my childhood. As I started to explore why felt the way I did, the patterns of behavior, my needs I never felt were met – I realized I was never taught to treat myself with care. I was never loved unconditionally. As such, I focused outside for value.
My only true purpose was being a father and when that suffered, so did my self-worth. External achievements felt empty and that feeling made me feel unworthy of being who I needed to be for the Define My Day community.
No matter the positive feedback I received, I couldn’t absorb it. I wanted to crawl into a hole. I wanted to be left alone. Everything was a struggle. I had no energy to be there for anyone but my boys – and even that felt difficult at times. I needed time to rest and recover and so that’s what I did.
I rested, read books, met new people, and explored what my life meant. I haven’t figured it all out yet but I’m making progress. Here’s one thing I know:
For me to have a healthy relationship with anyone – romantic or otherwise – I need to have a strong foundation within myself. A lot of my personal work in the near future will be building that foundation.
Here’s the ah-ha moment for me:
I’m still on the same path, just at a different point along it.
I progressed. I moved forward.
My journey took be through some dark woods and I may not be completely out but I can see that I am on the correct path.
Everything that I have learned, everything I have taught, has led me to this place I am today. I will be better for it.
Now that I feel like I’m in a place to be more open with you, I’d like to start sharing more of my journey in the hopes that it helps you in yours. Going forward, I’ll be discussing how Define My Day has helped me in my journey and the areas I’m working on personally.
I want to be more open with you about my life. For now, I’ll be doing that in two places: Emails like this one and my Instagram account.
Please follow me on Instagram and let me know through comments or direct messages how you are doing and what can be most helpful.
Sharing via social media has always been difficult for me but I’m working to get better at it. The more feedback you offer, the better I can do.
Keep moving forward,